This has been a big topic of conversation on our work days recently. It's a tricky one. When the three of us set up GoldDigger 2 years ago ( 9th August 2005 was our first dreaming session together where the we all got together in the same place to hammer out some ideas around this crazy notion that we were meant to 'do something') I don't think we would have been so enthustastic if we'd have all known for a fact that 2 years down the line we would have been paid a grand sum of £20 each which we only actually kept as it was earnt in the shame of lowering ourselves to performing - as a favour to a friend of course - at a childs birthday party.
Joel and I made a decision, from the very start, for our family that we would not be led by our financial needs - and that as an ideal is EASY to decide but in practice has been quite tough. Though both of us are people who enjoy an expensive lifestyle and having nice things it had to be a stubborn decision. When we moved from Birmingham to Sheffield when I was 3 months pregnant I struggled to get a new job - i think employers are not keen to take someone on who is 4 months away from leaving again and so we had to get by on one salary. Not easy if renting a property uses up more than half of your wage. We were also heavily crippled with student debt, credit card debt and overdrafts - mainly because we'd both been a bit stupid and only ourselves to blame - but still very difficult. During these few months I was forced to become more creative. I had to make things instead of buying things. I saw my pregnancy through in one pair of size 10 but thankfully stretchy and hipster jeans and 2 black maternity tops - I had an identity crisis but quite simply could not afford anything to wear! We got in a horrible financial rut of going over our overdraft and facing bank charges the following month which then set us off on the impossible foot of the coming month but there was really nothing we could do. Still our faith in God was that we knew we had to lean on Him and depend on him - and although we did feel as though we were sinking - and it was depressing - we knew that He had not let us drown yet - and though we may be in debt we still had a roof over our heads and our health and though some days we thought we would not be eating a meal, or we knew we had run out of milk and bread and had literally used up our very last pennies God really did provide. It was on those days that there would be some left over milk from an event at Joel's work or someone would give us something they'd got on offer or someone would invite us round. This got harder when Holly arrived. It is one thing being a grown adult having made this decision based on your own values and beliefs but another thing to put a little baby- totally dependent on you into the equation. But I do love the fact that for Holly's first year of life she was surrounded by an exciting growing ministry which was Joel's work in youth ministry and that I could be involved and help and support him in that.
I did start supply work for a while and the extra money was great - being paid 100 quid for 2 days work is hardly david beckham sort of money but in one month that could cover the bulk of the rent and meant that we could start paying into our debts. However, the bits and pieces of music I was doing were irregular and only managed to give me a more unquenchable thirst to want to do more. Joel and my brother Andrew kept on at me that I needed to just get on and do what ever I wanted to do - and that the right people would just come along - but without thise right people fitlling in the other parts of the jigsaw I just didn't know what that 'something' was.
So that leads up to that time of meeting with Rachel, and then Claire and then our meeting on Aug 9th.
In forming some sort of idea we knew that we needed to set time aside for this project. pre-named GoldDigger was not going to be easy with 3 small children racing around every time we met and I had childcare for 2 days a week free from my lovely mother which covered the days I worked. We needed two days together to put into GoldDigger at least so the choice was simple - paid work or GoldDigger. My husband is amazing - he believes in my ability and most importantly recognises my needs and would never want me to miss out on anything that developed my character, released me into my calling or made me feel fulfilled. In fact if I had not been up for it I would have been forced to do it by him anyway. So financially we went back to tough times. BAck into the same old rut of bank charges month after month but GoldDigger were not in any position to be paying wages - we were non existent at that stage! Still the great thing about the job was that I had two great and faithful friends who I could say - aaaagggghh this is financially impossible! and they would understand and pray me through it. We got a day of freedom when one night my mum wanted us round for tea. Usually she phones when she has food that is nearly up to use by date and we all have a family meal. This time it was a joint of beef. We couldn't make the day she invited us but she was quite insistent that we made the following night instead. So over we went for a very normal family meal. At the end of which my dad suddenly became very serious and told me and my brother that he had a bit of money he had been saving up to go towards us nbeing able to buy a house. This was a huge shock. I have never been allowed to know about my parents finances - they are both very private about money - yesterday I asked mum how much a kitchen knife was that she had and she had to be vague even about that! So that was the day that our lives really changed - we were in a postion to buy having a good deposit- which without this total blessing we would have NEVER been able to do and we were able to take out enough mortgage to pay off our other debts. Our mortgage is STILL ridiculous though and we are down to be paying it until we are 148 or something but at least we have one! We've been in our own house for just over a year now and I really do thank God for it so often. I love it!
So... now GoldDigger is recieving more money - not loads but we have enough to get by and it's so brilliant that some people see what we are doing and give to us regularly. It's amazing as well when close friends - ones who know what we do but also know our bad points also believe in what we are doing and give to us REALLY sacrificially. Very humbling and very encouraging all at once! But this is our baby - and as much as some days I want to demand payment for my 70 hour week...for all those meetings, events, hours designing on the computer, trauling around looking for the right resources...that some weeks I put my children to bed and get strait on with work until the early hours because we've got things on. However I just want what we've had the vision for to be fulfilled. I don't want to take the money that has been given to us for wages if it means that we can't go ahead with the girls course, or with a pulbicity leaflet - because this vision is one I know God has given me the longing to see fulfilled. But we do feel the time is getting nearer. Rachel has worked so hard to get our charity registration done which means it will be easier to apply for funding and we know that set up costs are being met and have been met leaving less to save for.
Some days I get really fed up of it all... I miss going shopping and just feeling a bit bad getting a new top... rather than knowing it will cost an extra £25 of bank charges and I'll be paying it off for 3 months! Mainly I hate constantly having to say no...we cant afford it to everyone we talk to. We have the misfortune of Joel's ministry being in one of the richest areas of the country and so everyone around us lives a much more expensive lifestyle. Yesterday I was asked 3 times within the space of 10 minutes if we were going on holiday this summer. When people twigged that we couldn't afford a holiday we were reccommended this cheepy holiday brocure of Christain peoples holiday homes. That was the standard of our honeymoon - some vicars caravan in scotland - full of all their stuff and not everso romantic - we are not as rich as that anymore with 2 extra people in our family! This sounds really moany - I don't feel deprived though. I thank God that Joel and I are creative people - I don't get inspired by rich people with nice things - it is way to obvious but I do get inspitred b people who can make beautiful things out of the little that they have. I hope we are like this. I also could be going out to an office everyday, packing my children off to some childcare and sitting feeling proud of my nice clothes that I bought whilst shopping at the weekend but doing something dull and meaningless - I would never trade the way we have it for that. As I've said before, setting up GoldDigger was a risk but is life any fun without risks - and what is the point of having a passion and a longing to do smething if that just sits rotting away inside you? I would rather worry about not having the money for things I would like than worry about not having the llife I would like to have and the reason and motivation to be who I should be. Man, this is a long blog.
Joel and I made a decision, from the very start, for our family that we would not be led by our financial needs - and that as an ideal is EASY to decide but in practice has been quite tough. Though both of us are people who enjoy an expensive lifestyle and having nice things it had to be a stubborn decision. When we moved from Birmingham to Sheffield when I was 3 months pregnant I struggled to get a new job - i think employers are not keen to take someone on who is 4 months away from leaving again and so we had to get by on one salary. Not easy if renting a property uses up more than half of your wage. We were also heavily crippled with student debt, credit card debt and overdrafts - mainly because we'd both been a bit stupid and only ourselves to blame - but still very difficult. During these few months I was forced to become more creative. I had to make things instead of buying things. I saw my pregnancy through in one pair of size 10 but thankfully stretchy and hipster jeans and 2 black maternity tops - I had an identity crisis but quite simply could not afford anything to wear! We got in a horrible financial rut of going over our overdraft and facing bank charges the following month which then set us off on the impossible foot of the coming month but there was really nothing we could do. Still our faith in God was that we knew we had to lean on Him and depend on him - and although we did feel as though we were sinking - and it was depressing - we knew that He had not let us drown yet - and though we may be in debt we still had a roof over our heads and our health and though some days we thought we would not be eating a meal, or we knew we had run out of milk and bread and had literally used up our very last pennies God really did provide. It was on those days that there would be some left over milk from an event at Joel's work or someone would give us something they'd got on offer or someone would invite us round. This got harder when Holly arrived. It is one thing being a grown adult having made this decision based on your own values and beliefs but another thing to put a little baby- totally dependent on you into the equation. But I do love the fact that for Holly's first year of life she was surrounded by an exciting growing ministry which was Joel's work in youth ministry and that I could be involved and help and support him in that.
I did start supply work for a while and the extra money was great - being paid 100 quid for 2 days work is hardly david beckham sort of money but in one month that could cover the bulk of the rent and meant that we could start paying into our debts. However, the bits and pieces of music I was doing were irregular and only managed to give me a more unquenchable thirst to want to do more. Joel and my brother Andrew kept on at me that I needed to just get on and do what ever I wanted to do - and that the right people would just come along - but without thise right people fitlling in the other parts of the jigsaw I just didn't know what that 'something' was.
So that leads up to that time of meeting with Rachel, and then Claire and then our meeting on Aug 9th.
In forming some sort of idea we knew that we needed to set time aside for this project. pre-named GoldDigger was not going to be easy with 3 small children racing around every time we met and I had childcare for 2 days a week free from my lovely mother which covered the days I worked. We needed two days together to put into GoldDigger at least so the choice was simple - paid work or GoldDigger. My husband is amazing - he believes in my ability and most importantly recognises my needs and would never want me to miss out on anything that developed my character, released me into my calling or made me feel fulfilled. In fact if I had not been up for it I would have been forced to do it by him anyway. So financially we went back to tough times. BAck into the same old rut of bank charges month after month but GoldDigger were not in any position to be paying wages - we were non existent at that stage! Still the great thing about the job was that I had two great and faithful friends who I could say - aaaagggghh this is financially impossible! and they would understand and pray me through it. We got a day of freedom when one night my mum wanted us round for tea. Usually she phones when she has food that is nearly up to use by date and we all have a family meal. This time it was a joint of beef. We couldn't make the day she invited us but she was quite insistent that we made the following night instead. So over we went for a very normal family meal. At the end of which my dad suddenly became very serious and told me and my brother that he had a bit of money he had been saving up to go towards us nbeing able to buy a house. This was a huge shock. I have never been allowed to know about my parents finances - they are both very private about money - yesterday I asked mum how much a kitchen knife was that she had and she had to be vague even about that! So that was the day that our lives really changed - we were in a postion to buy having a good deposit- which without this total blessing we would have NEVER been able to do and we were able to take out enough mortgage to pay off our other debts. Our mortgage is STILL ridiculous though and we are down to be paying it until we are 148 or something but at least we have one! We've been in our own house for just over a year now and I really do thank God for it so often. I love it!
So... now GoldDigger is recieving more money - not loads but we have enough to get by and it's so brilliant that some people see what we are doing and give to us regularly. It's amazing as well when close friends - ones who know what we do but also know our bad points also believe in what we are doing and give to us REALLY sacrificially. Very humbling and very encouraging all at once! But this is our baby - and as much as some days I want to demand payment for my 70 hour week...for all those meetings, events, hours designing on the computer, trauling around looking for the right resources...that some weeks I put my children to bed and get strait on with work until the early hours because we've got things on. However I just want what we've had the vision for to be fulfilled. I don't want to take the money that has been given to us for wages if it means that we can't go ahead with the girls course, or with a pulbicity leaflet - because this vision is one I know God has given me the longing to see fulfilled. But we do feel the time is getting nearer. Rachel has worked so hard to get our charity registration done which means it will be easier to apply for funding and we know that set up costs are being met and have been met leaving less to save for.
Some days I get really fed up of it all... I miss going shopping and just feeling a bit bad getting a new top... rather than knowing it will cost an extra £25 of bank charges and I'll be paying it off for 3 months! Mainly I hate constantly having to say no...we cant afford it to everyone we talk to. We have the misfortune of Joel's ministry being in one of the richest areas of the country and so everyone around us lives a much more expensive lifestyle. Yesterday I was asked 3 times within the space of 10 minutes if we were going on holiday this summer. When people twigged that we couldn't afford a holiday we were reccommended this cheepy holiday brocure of Christain peoples holiday homes. That was the standard of our honeymoon - some vicars caravan in scotland - full of all their stuff and not everso romantic - we are not as rich as that anymore with 2 extra people in our family! This sounds really moany - I don't feel deprived though. I thank God that Joel and I are creative people - I don't get inspired by rich people with nice things - it is way to obvious but I do get inspitred b people who can make beautiful things out of the little that they have. I hope we are like this. I also could be going out to an office everyday, packing my children off to some childcare and sitting feeling proud of my nice clothes that I bought whilst shopping at the weekend but doing something dull and meaningless - I would never trade the way we have it for that. As I've said before, setting up GoldDigger was a risk but is life any fun without risks - and what is the point of having a passion and a longing to do smething if that just sits rotting away inside you? I would rather worry about not having the money for things I would like than worry about not having the llife I would like to have and the reason and motivation to be who I should be. Man, this is a long blog.
2 comments:
Up late blogging definately.
Yeh, its surprising how much more you can see of God when looking backwards - I tend to only look for him forwards (in the future) but he's done great things for us. That makes me think maybe... just maybe... he's doing great things with us now - I just won't see it until i look back on it...
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Love you onionface. er, sweetheart.
Definately...well that's kind of what I said to you about last week when I went out to the Peaks and read Psalm 78 about not ever forgetting what he's already done and that picture I had about not forgetting what the vision looks like from the distance as you see the whole picture but can lose it when you become part of it. Yes I think I want to write about that day soon x but not tonight maybe... it's probably time for some sleep -
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