Anyway...

It is just good to have good friends. This week it's been great as we've had Rachel, Ben and Seb (3 amazing youth workers of Steelroots Ministry) round to have breakfast and pray together every morning before/ starting off work. It was a strange concept to get my head around that we wouldn;t have to eat a proper nice full english or at least a very civilised croissant, orange juice and coffee type of breakfast - no apparently it did not need to be posh...wheetabix all round. There's just something I do find a bit strange about meeting up socially to eat a bowl of sloppy brown cereal - but that's my issue to get over.
It has been really good to get down to the table and get on with praying first thing...and amazingly possible to be able to spend a good chunk of quality time with God even with 2 small children under our feet...and thanks to a brand new ELC garage (happy 1st Birthday Elijah xx)We've been able to share vision and feel stronger and more together as a team. Most importantly of course it was great to have a session of praying for our washing machine...trivial to some it has been the most frustrating of problems. I'm not sure if I have documented beyond the sock blockage and mentioned the squeeky drum and then an ok wash and then another blockage which we could not find but managed to clear itself but not before it had flooded our floor one more time. So it sat there in the corner of the kitchen and got prayed for and now is behaving just fine....THANK YOU GOD
Also and amazingly on Elijah's birthday on Monday we had a system of Elijah tried to open his presents and we let Holly open cards. Amonst all the mess of torn paper on the floor I noticed a little note which said something like 'however you need to spend it' in a friends writing and twigged that lying next to it in all the rubbish was a cheque from 2 of our good freinds. They had just decided to bless us with £200 - they have done that before at one of our horrendous financial times I remember and the amount they gave us paid EXACTLY for a freezer we'd just had to buy even though we couldn't afford it. This month - after a year of being debt free we got into a big financial mess again - the thing that tipped us over was the £120 for the washer to be fixed and £80 (I can not believe it can be this much!) for getting rid of the naughty squirrel who has knawed a hole in our roof just because he would like to stay in our loft :# So this cheque covered these unexpected payments we were crippled by. What an amazing ministry to write cheques that bless people that much! I really felt that this was a sign that God was looking out for us in this but knew that wouldn't totally shift the damage but then last night we recieved another cheque from a friend which specified it was for us and not for GoldDigger - which again just makes me feel safe knowing that God is on our case. I need to remember God DOES know our bank balance - of course he does but sometimes we are just so stupid about remembering that if he knows everything then that includes what remains a secret between me and the call centres of HSBC.
I must write about the day in Top Shop...it was amazing...It will be done shortly...or maybe I have done...I forget

More Positive and Really Positive

Right... having read Joel's blog - featuring a picture that really made me laugh - because that is how our house looks at the moment - I was soothed by the fact that he is also annoyed about the stress of this week and having read his fuming anger I feel I have vented mine. Good. Things are still STUPID and the washer now has been unblocked, had the drum replaced, had the pipe reconnected, had the blockage of a small sock pulled out of wherever it was stuck all on different days with several callouts from our new family member - washing machine man and today it is working but makes the LOUDEST noise I have ever heard. Still we aparently don't need a new one - Joel reckons it is fixable :l ummmm However - it is NOT going to bother me...there is nothing I can do to mend a washer and I can not blame myself for it breaking. It is simply annoying but I will not allow it to defeat me. we can all wear dirty, smelly clothes if we need to -I'm quite simply not hand washing 5 mountains of clothes.

But today has been good. Rachel has done an AMAZING job getting the charity registration form together - I am basically astounded that she has motivated herself to plough on with what has been a nightmare to be honest - I'm not just saying that cos I know she'll read this but I simply am in awe! And I've had a nice easy day pulling graphics together for publicity and stuff. Created a girls course myspace this afternoon with pics on from the girls course so will probably launch it to the girls tomorrow night after our day in York hopefully with pictures of our day on there too. Have a sneaky look before we've advertised it on www.myspace.com/girliwanttobe.com

However...

On a more positive note to end the day - we met the girls in Starbucks today to break the news about Top Shop on Saturday and they were properly excited! In fact a couple of them knew already as I managed to tell one of their dad's as I was too excited and then she told 2 of he others as she said it was too exciting to keep secret. Oh how I love being a girl!

I Take That Back

Whatever I said in that last blog I probably DO mean in theory and fundamentally- which I hope can be seperated from my feelings...but... today I FEEL officially defeated. Sorry.

Getting Paid? Ever?

This has been a big topic of conversation on our work days recently. It's a tricky one. When the three of us set up GoldDigger 2 years ago ( 9th August 2005 was our first dreaming session together where the we all got together in the same place to hammer out some ideas around this crazy notion that we were meant to 'do something') I don't think we would have been so enthustastic if we'd have all known for a fact that 2 years down the line we would have been paid a grand sum of £20 each which we only actually kept as it was earnt in the shame of lowering ourselves to performing - as a favour to a friend of course - at a childs birthday party.

Joel and I made a decision, from the very start, for our family that we would not be led by our financial needs - and that as an ideal is EASY to decide but in practice has been quite tough. Though both of us are people who enjoy an expensive lifestyle and having nice things it had to be a stubborn decision. When we moved from Birmingham to Sheffield when I was 3 months pregnant I struggled to get a new job - i think employers are not keen to take someone on who is 4 months away from leaving again and so we had to get by on one salary. Not easy if renting a property uses up more than half of your wage. We were also heavily crippled with student debt, credit card debt and overdrafts - mainly because we'd both been a bit stupid and only ourselves to blame - but still very difficult. During these few months I was forced to become more creative. I had to make things instead of buying things. I saw my pregnancy through in one pair of size 10 but thankfully stretchy and hipster jeans and 2 black maternity tops - I had an identity crisis but quite simply could not afford anything to wear! We got in a horrible financial rut of going over our overdraft and facing bank charges the following month which then set us off on the impossible foot of the coming month but there was really nothing we could do. Still our faith in God was that we knew we had to lean on Him and depend on him - and although we did feel as though we were sinking - and it was depressing - we knew that He had not let us drown yet - and though we may be in debt we still had a roof over our heads and our health and though some days we thought we would not be eating a meal, or we knew we had run out of milk and bread and had literally used up our very last pennies God really did provide. It was on those days that there would be some left over milk from an event at Joel's work or someone would give us something they'd got on offer or someone would invite us round. This got harder when Holly arrived. It is one thing being a grown adult having made this decision based on your own values and beliefs but another thing to put a little baby- totally dependent on you into the equation. But I do love the fact that for Holly's first year of life she was surrounded by an exciting growing ministry which was Joel's work in youth ministry and that I could be involved and help and support him in that.
I did start supply work for a while and the extra money was great - being paid 100 quid for 2 days work is hardly david beckham sort of money but in one month that could cover the bulk of the rent and meant that we could start paying into our debts. However, the bits and pieces of music I was doing were irregular and only managed to give me a more unquenchable thirst to want to do more. Joel and my brother Andrew kept on at me that I needed to just get on and do what ever I wanted to do - and that the right people would just come along - but without thise right people fitlling in the other parts of the jigsaw I just didn't know what that 'something' was.
So that leads up to that time of meeting with Rachel, and then Claire and then our meeting on Aug 9th.
In forming some sort of idea we knew that we needed to set time aside for this project. pre-named GoldDigger was not going to be easy with 3 small children racing around every time we met and I had childcare for 2 days a week free from my lovely mother which covered the days I worked. We needed two days together to put into GoldDigger at least so the choice was simple - paid work or GoldDigger. My husband is amazing - he believes in my ability and most importantly recognises my needs and would never want me to miss out on anything that developed my character, released me into my calling or made me feel fulfilled. In fact if I had not been up for it I would have been forced to do it by him anyway. So financially we went back to tough times. BAck into the same old rut of bank charges month after month but GoldDigger were not in any position to be paying wages - we were non existent at that stage! Still the great thing about the job was that I had two great and faithful friends who I could say - aaaagggghh this is financially impossible! and they would understand and pray me through it. We got a day of freedom when one night my mum wanted us round for tea. Usually she phones when she has food that is nearly up to use by date and we all have a family meal. This time it was a joint of beef. We couldn't make the day she invited us but she was quite insistent that we made the following night instead. So over we went for a very normal family meal. At the end of which my dad suddenly became very serious and told me and my brother that he had a bit of money he had been saving up to go towards us nbeing able to buy a house. This was a huge shock. I have never been allowed to know about my parents finances - they are both very private about money - yesterday I asked mum how much a kitchen knife was that she had and she had to be vague even about that! So that was the day that our lives really changed - we were in a postion to buy having a good deposit- which without this total blessing we would have NEVER been able to do and we were able to take out enough mortgage to pay off our other debts. Our mortgage is STILL ridiculous though and we are down to be paying it until we are 148 or something but at least we have one! We've been in our own house for just over a year now and I really do thank God for it so often. I love it!




So... now GoldDigger is recieving more money - not loads but we have enough to get by and it's so brilliant that some people see what we are doing and give to us regularly. It's amazing as well when close friends - ones who know what we do but also know our bad points also believe in what we are doing and give to us REALLY sacrificially. Very humbling and very encouraging all at once! But this is our baby - and as much as some days I want to demand payment for my 70 hour week...for all those meetings, events, hours designing on the computer, trauling around looking for the right resources...that some weeks I put my children to bed and get strait on with work until the early hours because we've got things on. However I just want what we've had the vision for to be fulfilled. I don't want to take the money that has been given to us for wages if it means that we can't go ahead with the girls course, or with a pulbicity leaflet - because this vision is one I know God has given me the longing to see fulfilled. But we do feel the time is getting nearer. Rachel has worked so hard to get our charity registration done which means it will be easier to apply for funding and we know that set up costs are being met and have been met leaving less to save for.
Some days I get really fed up of it all... I miss going shopping and just feeling a bit bad getting a new top... rather than knowing it will cost an extra £25 of bank charges and I'll be paying it off for 3 months! Mainly I hate constantly having to say no...we cant afford it to everyone we talk to. We have the misfortune of Joel's ministry being in one of the richest areas of the country and so everyone around us lives a much more expensive lifestyle. Yesterday I was asked 3 times within the space of 10 minutes if we were going on holiday this summer. When people twigged that we couldn't afford a holiday we were reccommended this cheepy holiday brocure of Christain peoples holiday homes. That was the standard of our honeymoon - some vicars caravan in scotland - full of all their stuff and not everso romantic - we are not as rich as that anymore with 2 extra people in our family! This sounds really moany - I don't feel deprived though. I thank God that Joel and I are creative people - I don't get inspired by rich people with nice things - it is way to obvious but I do get inspitred b people who can make beautiful things out of the little that they have. I hope we are like this. I also could be going out to an office everyday, packing my children off to some childcare and sitting feeling proud of my nice clothes that I bought whilst shopping at the weekend but doing something dull and meaningless - I would never trade the way we have it for that. As I've said before, setting up GoldDigger was a risk but is life any fun without risks - and what is the point of having a passion and a longing to do smething if that just sits rotting away inside you? I would rather worry about not having the money for things I would like than worry about not having the llife I would like to have and the reason and motivation to be who I should be. Man, this is a long blog.

Things are Over...and Just Beginning

Well things are finally over - the girls course - what an achievement. that seemed like the most intense amount of work ever! Not stress but exciting work. The Princess and Pirate party over - intense amount of stress - probably. Loved it though. Bit scary the thought of cramming 20 small children and their parents into one fairly small house on a rainy day in July but I prayed for sunshine and there was just enough to make it brill and my beautiful little children loved it - so so did I!

The girls course finished excellently -I think. The final session together was just perfect and our very last minute ideas of how to empower the and pull together all the decisions they'd made and the choices the'd made for themselves. It was purely inspired- can't get better than that! To top rthe whole course off - we managed to afford it. Of course we'd missed things off the budget in the beginning - there are always oversites- but amazingly we seemed to come under budget in some other areas so we really managed. Thank you God for your provision! There are things we are still in need of and this course has certainly consolidated our occasional discussions of needing a van!
One properly exciting blessing is that God properly blessed Rachel as she went to Leeds for the day shhopping - obviously God does want us to shop sometimes! In Top Shop she casually mentioned to the shop assistant as she picked up a flier for the style consultant that something like that would be great for the Girls course she was running. My experience of Top Shop assistants has never been the friendliest but this one took all her details and the next moring the stylist must have called Rachel twice before she'd even arrived at work. Basically we've managed to secure that the last session of every course... - which basically we'd earmarked as a treat of some sort - but had pretty much run out of inspiration -it really needed to be special but we'd have to do it every course so a big event would be too draining on out time and resources realistically -...as a trip over the the big style advisors room in York where we will have supplied them with a few details of each girl on the course so that they canhave things ready on arrival for each of the girls. 3/4 style advisors so that each of the girls will get their own consultancy and be introduced to things they may not have ever thought of but will suit their own shape and colouring and taking into account the styles they are into. The sylist Rachel has been talking to is desperately keen to work with us, has a heart for community work and basically has a huge thing about being individuals. She said that she hates the culture that just because Kate Moss wears something we all go out and buy it and really wants these girls to understand what can suit them and appreciate the ways they are all different - This just sounds fantastic! What is more they are happy to work with us as regularly as we want and will provide goody bags for all the girls and refreshments and this is all free of charge and no obligation to buy from the store. We are just totally amazed. We'd actually asked Top Shop earlier on whilst writing the course whether there was any way of supporting us but they had said no - God's timing - so important - and having the guts as Rachel did just to ask a really simple question that I would have never bothered to ask as I would just have assumed there would be nothing in it. Makes you wonder what else we miss out on by just not thinking to ask!

So hopefully we can get all the girls together really soon to take them over to York - we know they will love it and it will be great to spend that time with them at the end of the course where we don't have to worry about any planning and can just enjoy the time we can spend having fun - and of course we are praying that we can join in and get goody bags too - surely there are some blessings for working 2 years for free!